1st Sept.-Digesting Old FOF

Few days have passed and as I look at Old FOF’s behaviour it reveals itself no different to Robert’s in relation to the facts and the issues being presented and experienced here. The whole “package” is there, including the wrapping.

The FOF Cult’s behaviour and attitude towards its members and the world is essentially: The “world”, “life” is a problem, it is the lower self, don’t deal with it. BAN IT from your life. Come and isolate yourself in the idealism of the cult and leave your life out. If you don’t like the experience of the cult, you must transform it, it is your duty to deal with your suffering. You must change yourself, not the cult, or the world. In short, you must adapt and behave or leave.

Old FOF’s doctrine is, the Fellowship is a problem, it is so dangerous it has even cause-people’s death but it’s O.K. some of us, including myself profited and continue to profit from the experience. If you didn’t like it and suffered and it almost caused your death it is your responsibility to transform the experience, stop the drama, deal with it without attempting to close it. You people inside must run out the day you’re about to commit suicide!

Here in this blog community we have a problem called the Fellowship of Friends Cult and Old FOF’s position is, “yes, there’s a problem”

The Fellowship’s positions is: yes, life’s a problem

Old FOF’s position is: Yes, the Fellowship causes suffering, stop your drama, transform it. Don’t take any serious actions against it.

The Fellowship’s Cult position is: yes, life causes unnecessary suffering, stop your drama, it’s unnecessary suffering, the cult causes real suffering, endure it, transform it! you came here to work on yourself and only yourself …. but go make money for the Arc.

The Cult’s position: If you can’t transform it, you’re a damaged machine, you must leave the Cult.

Old FOF’s position: If you can’t work on your suffering, you’re damaged! You must be banned, you’re “a damaged sparrow with a broken wing” BANNED!!!!! For good!!!!

What is the difference between Old FOF and Robert Burton?

What are they both prohibiting?

NEGATIVE EMOTIONS. In the Fellowship real suffering is labelled “unnecessary suffering”, “indulgence in one’s self”, “drama”, so that members keep putting up with it without questioning the Fellowship and Old fof is doing the same here.

For the Fellowship Cult, negative emotions are people’s inner life, their identification with husband, wife, family, friends, humanity, life people, the six billion dead, their nation.

For Old fof negative emotions are Elena’s “drama”, old fof: “the effects of her emotional inappropriateness (and damage), and ongoing drama and space-taking are highly destructive and diluting in the balance.”

HIGHLY DESTRUCTIVE AND DILUTING IN THE BALANCE

Whose balance?

What balance?

For the Fellowship Cult, such negative emotions are highly destructive and diluting in the balance of its existence. It must forbid and expel anyone attacking, questioning, protesting, whining, or expressing any kind of drama that questions the Fellowship of Friend’s status quo. EVERYONE WHO EVER DID, WAS EXPELLED.

For Old fof, Brucelevy, Vena, Ames Gilbert, James Mclemore, Pangloss and every single person here who listens to these things without questioning them, Elena must be banned because she is ranting and taking too much space but that is half the truth. It is because she is willing to act publicly, socially, with every instrument available to her to stop the Fellowship of Friends Cult from hurting more people; because when she hurts, she screams, because when you try to stop her from stopping the Fellowship, she questions what ever it is in you, that makes you think that you have to allow the Fellowship cult to continue hurting people for ever knowing it has even caused people’s death.

Old fof, Brucelevy, Ames Gilbert and every ex-member who is unwilling to take serious action against the Fellowship is justifying:

Their own actions in the Fellowship cult

Their own unwillingness to deal with it when they left

Their own enabling and the fact that they are still willing to play enablers because they are not willing to take the necessary actions to stop the Fellowship definitely through:

Public demonstrations such as picketing the gatehouse; towns nearby such as Grass Valley, Marysville and Sacramento Government offices. Public Squares all around. Oregon House Store, Fellowship blue building on Marysville Road, centres around the world and elsewhere.

Individual and class action suits for no matter how minor the offence against the Fellowship Cult, each supported by a hundred individuals who were and were not members of the Fellowship cult.

Just one such suit would bring enough courage from all those who have been released recently to take the Fellowship to Court once and again and again. The many enablers outside who continue to stand up for inaction are stopping those who have been hurt from stopping the Fellowship.

Many women could sue for simple discrimination. EVEN IF THEY LOST.

“How many times must a man walk down before they call him a man?”

Men could sue for simple brainwashing conducive to their giving up their personal well being and becoming perfect little sissys for the cult, abusing their wives and children’s well being.

Member’s children could sue for the damages done to their parents, and applied on them.

When does dignity prescribe?

Everyone who was ever in the Fellowship Cult could sue for having been raped of their dignity as a human being, for having been made a conscienceless pimp paying thousands so that others got raped. We were not already pimps before we joined no matter how great a potential we had. Mind control environments do these things to people and that is what you’re saying “let it be” to: you’d crucify Jesus no matter how many times he sat in front of you.

EVEN IF WE LOST humanity at large would understand that human beings are no longer willing to put up with cults. That no matter how many cases are lost, there’s now a conscience that will no longer allow the abuses without deeply questioning them. When the road against cult abuse is opened, all abuses in every corner of society will be opened to questioning. Humanity will step up to itself and deal with its inconsistencies just like a mature individual must.

People in this blog have the conscience to know that the Fellowship Cult is a massively dangerous institution but not enough conscience to take money out of their pockets and pay for stopping it: Pay the lawyers, pay the consequences. They have enough conscience to understand how they were intellectually, emotionally and physically manipulated to act against themselves and others for almost four decades but not enough conscience to stand up in the REAL PUBLIC SQUARES of the world and say NO, we will not allow any more people to get hurt.

YOU might not have the conscience but some of us here do and we will continue to fight this cause here and everywhere else, whether you support us or not, me or not. You paid thousands to the Fellowship for decades to do this to you but you’re not willing to pay a cent so that it stops doing it to others.

Not one of you protested Old fof’s language and attitude which is no different to Robert’s and Girard’s. You protested every word from the system in previous posts. Every single post since I was banned, simply repeats ideas and reinforces the need to stop the Fellowship cult but the question: Is the Fellowship Cult inhuman enough to be stopped, was diluted in Old fof’s equation in which you won’t stop the Fellowship but you’ll stop Elena from screaming about the need of it, buffering it with the idea that she expresses too many negative emotions, writes too long posts!

You think that your dialoguing in page 80 is independent of my previous work here but you were not where you are today before I started screaming on page three. We have all moved 360 degrees from where we were then but we still need to move 360 degrees from where we are now and when that is accomplished, we’d still need to move another 360 degrees to spiral ourselves up a circle above.

29^th of August 2009

Do you think you don’t hurt me when you ban me Steve and others? In this sadomasochistic relationship that we are holding also here, some of you might enjoy knowing that for the first time in five months I again went into such a deep depression the day after you banned me that while sitting at a restaurant for lunch with my brother I just burst out crying out of nowhere. When I start doing that, when I can’t even control where I cry, then it’s bad. I loose North completely every time you ban me like anyone would, thrown out of their community and this one is, like it or not, the only one I have after abandoning everything for the Fellowship: this one, the community of human beings in the Public Square that I’ve adopted because I can’t trust any other! Is it so surprising that I can’t trust any of you when you are the same people, doing the same things here that you did in the Fellowship?

Fortunately that night while thinking things over including my last post I realized I had to write it just like that. I had actually erased that post and after a few minutes recovered it because those things need to be said too so I was able to forgive my self and stand up the next day and for the first time since I left the Fellowship wore a skirt and dressed beautifully, because I am beautiful. I no longer need you to acknowledge it. I am.

There are three serious accusations by Old FOF that must be dealt with today:

the effects of her emotional inappropriateness (and damage), and ongoing drama and space-taking are highly destructive and diluting in the balance.

1. Since I’m damaged and emotionally inappropriate, OUT, like Robert would do! A damaged machine Mr. FOF? Or what exactly do you mean? Even society at least calls people disabled but you still dare to call people “damaged”, how human of you!

2. The ongoing drama

So let’s take our lives out, “off” the show and keep playing the music as Girard and the Fellowship did. Take all your emotions away, they are your lower self.

The Space-taking

So that you can make a club out of the Public Square?!

Should it surprise me that Old fof, doesn’t want to act seriously against the Fellowship because he continues to practice with assiduity the same things he learnt in it?

28^th of August, 2009

Thank you fofblogmoderator for banning me, I was asking for it wasn’t I? Like in those wrestling matches in which you have to separate the wrestlers for a while so that they recover their aim to hurt each other without killing each other! Isn’t it interesting that we call that a sport? Watch it and pay for it? It’s a good metaphor of the blog.

One of the problems is that I hardly think! That is, most of this blog has been written instantly reacting to other posters. When I do that, the temperature escalates very quickly and the egos confront each other. This is good and neccessary, we need to put our self in the picture, real or false because then we can be looked at. If one is able to see one’s self, then one can work on it and this is Work, the most work of any kind we’ve ever done as a community but it is not good for the blog and getting banned is drastic because it it kills something both in the person and the blog if the person being banned, is unable to return. Banning, which is a form of psychological killing, simply shows the inability of the community to deal with the problem. There is nothing wrong with feeling shame but when it is produced by injustice in the treatment it can turn into resentment, hatred and destructiveness. I share these things as an aside to the question of blogging.

I would like to thank you all for being here, for participating actively. This is a precious document both for us and for people in the future. I am glad you are being able to express your selves out here and hopefully no one is trying to manipulate the moderator behind the curtain. As long as we’re as honest as we can be, we should be able to work our selves out.

Fofmoderator, Everything is perfect! And perfectly imperfect too! Like life! But life is the struggle to make it better each day and that is why rules and conditions are needed. I hate rules and conditions because they tend to kill the passion but they are also vehicles and if they kill the passion or the human spirit, then, as we well know from the Fellowship experience, they simply brainwash people into conformity with the status quo. That being said, they can also be the guarantee that the subjectivity of the people involved won’t let anyone get run over without a chance or a trial which is essentially what happens with banning or hanging instantly. The problem in the Fellowship is that the rules applied to everyone but Robert and then he partied with our lives.

Your gut feeling and reaction felt much more tuned this time but this is like a symposium and as I understand them, the role of the moderator is to let people get as drunk as they can so that they can bring them selves out without being overrun by the wine! That’s difficult with lunatic but if you take away the passion and leave only the conditioned behaviour then you kill the symposium and hence, your art! So good, you managed to not ban me for good but haven’t quite managed to ride this wild bull-blog. The art of the symposium probably lies in precisely that: riding the wild bull of people’s hearts, minds and egos (both I and ego). I’m not knowledgeable about symposiums and their rules but I’m guessing and finding out as we move along, it probably would help us to take a look at them and other arts of moderating.

The impartiality of the moderator is but the ability to not identify with the speakers but at the same time to help the speakers hear each other so that the interaction is human. What brings people to fists is the lack of respect. I have not felt much help from you even if you participate with another name (No, not Another Name but a different name!) in the interaction and if you have helped me from time to time, I have not felt it sufficiently. I feel you’re bias but that is not what I mind, you must have your own life and position, but above those, you need to be faithful to the art of moderating.

For example, I have for years now been saying that I feel the issues I am presenting are not dealt with and I am being attacked personally. Doesn’t there need to be an ethic in the dialogue? The personal questioning is the essence of the symposium as much as the issues being discussed but there has to be a balance and if the moderator is able to keep that balance, people might actually get to dialogue before the passion overrides them. If the “institution” provides guarantees to the people, the people will not abuse the institution or each other; if you’re generous, stealing won’t be necessary; if you’re civilized, culture is possible; if you give me quality I won’t need quantity. My “grabbing” it, is inversely proportionate to being dis-acknowledged, unheard and without the moderator’s protection and that accounts for the feeling of pain and ranting.

The question I’ve presented are on various levels: Some are those presented by Joan of Arc II, another the one directed at analysing the Fellowship Phenomena, the other, the sparrow with a broken wing and there might be a few others that I can’t even see, oh yes, the woman in hell walking up and down the stairs lecturing everyone none stop! Even I am laughing generously for the first time on this blog but I don’t suppose it makes most of you laugh! Oh and I was forgetting the ranter! Well, she is like the woman in hell too but when she aligns herself with the one with a broken wing or Joan of Arc, there’s a difference and those differences are what are not being acknowledged here. The majority simply attack the ranter without “considering” the others and THAT is what stimulates the woman in hell: she goes into self-pity because you don’t acknowledge her, into the sparrow with the broken wing and in the multiple spaces of that suffering, is able to see the other side of each of your weaknesses too. That is not all the picture but a blurred version of the picture that might help. The patterns people establish with “the public” are exactly the same as they establish with their lovers and themselves. This is what psychociology must come in to study in detail in the future so that we can heal both socially and personally.

In our recent encounter very valid and valuable statements came forward from both sides and very destructive ones too. Ames and Elena went seriously for each other’s throat but Ames had asked for Elena’s head long before, Elena went after Ames, Bruce, James, Jomo and whoever else was in her way and Old FOF went for Elena’s life with Vena and Bruce:! “Out!! Off with her head!” but of course, they say it in a very composed manner convinced that the manner will hide the intention! After all, we are ALL Robert Burton’s bastards: perfectly trained to use diplomacy and gold alchemy to kill, rape and abuse each other for the sake of the Status Quo! Oh Dear! If I don’t watch out, we’ll have the ranter and the woman in hell together! Back here!

So let’s move on with the subject.

The moderator needs to almost be conscious to be able to moderate consciously!! But in the lack of consciousness he or she needs to be able to keep certain guidelines that direct his job in such a way that his own subjectivity doesn’t get involved in the drama. I need you to help me to be heard which doesn’t mean being on my side.

Allow me now to indulge in myself and look at what happened. It was coming along fairly pretty after the return of Joan of Arc II and her poetry until DXP appeared with her amazing statements so Fellowship like that the sparrow with the broken wing thought she was being deceived again and became the hellish ranter, who doesn’t know how to use swear words properly and had to invent a few like XERO! Then Ames went for her throat with others, Agent 007 presented the first impartial observation of the facts that Elena had witnessed on this blog, then he sided with Ames’ 262 post and the sparrow with the broken wing felt betrayed, shut herself off and wrote herself out. The patterns of abuse and betrayal in Elena’s life are difficult for her to deal with. With DXP and probably already with Itswinetime, the fact that they simply held positions similar to those of the Fellowship made Elena think that she was being deceived again by Fellowship representatives. Is it so surprising that in a media like this, the fact that people cannot use their names is already deceiving and that feeling deceived once again would make her live the patterns of pain and anger that she’s been going through after the Fellowship? You might say; Well, why her and not others? Why can others behave more reasonably after the Fellowship? And one of the answers to that is that each person here immersed himself in a very different way in Fellowship life. While the majority modelled and worked as part of the Fellowship, went along with the flow without questioning it seriously, Elena went along with the System, the work as much as possible but resisted the Fellowship’s status quo while at the same time was no less brainwashed than the rest.

So here we are.

Ames post 262 can help us:

There are a few issues to deal with:

1. Most of Ames’ personal attacks on post 262 dis-acknowledge the reality of a cult member and attack me as if I wasn’t one. In it he expects and accuses me for not behaving like a normal person but a brainwashed person is not a normal person. THIS double standard that is managed here on the blog contradicts everything we are pretending to stand up for, We or You if you’d rather. Old fof does the same but uses an inverse method: I’m simply damaged therefore I should not be here.

2. At the end of the post Ames writes: (I’ll number them for the sake of clarity)

“1. Your attacks on Whalerider, DXP and other targets of opportunity appall me. 2. Your screaming tirades revolt me. 3.I get the impression that you regard the blog as your personal pulpit, and in the end your blogs are mostly about you, despite the cover. 4.You scream for attention––to you. 5.Your many positive contributions are, sadly, far outweighed by your negative outbursts, in my personal opinion. 6.I don’t expect you to change, you seem to be imprisoned by your belief in yourself as some kind of Joan of Arc. Good luck with that.”

1. My attacks on people are mentioned but the attacks of other people on me are dismissed. The attacks, the ostracizing, the indifference, the dis-acknowledging. You see the splinter in my eye but not the great huge beam in yours. The screaming tirades are mentioned but not the silent mass behaviour that avoids the issues and attacks me personally, the indifference and the numbness to what is actually going on in the Fellowship.

2. Ames: “The personal pulpit, the blogs essentially about me despite the cover.”

This is half true. This blog is certainly about me, I am a victim, an actor, a great deal of the scenery and even the curtains and the floor at times. I dare say that I have exposed the Fellowship more extensively than anybody else has here, suffered it more than most and stood against it more fiercely than all. That does not in any way give me more rights than anyone else to write or be here but it gives me enough credit to at least be acknowledged in my own right and not be yo-yoed in and out at your pleasure.

We are seriously challenging each other here and that is GOOD. GOOD for all of us and for mankind’s sake.

3. You scream for attention––to you.

This is true. I scream for attention to me and to the Fellowship crimes. CRIMES. I scream for myself because no matter how strong I seem in my screaming I am also a sparrow with a broken wing, I am an ex-cult member trying to reconstruct myself, most of you who oppose me have been out for decades and still far from healing even though you think acting with diplomacy proves your healthiness. Diplomacy and gold alchemy was the Fellowship’s most powerful double sword. They acted against us every second of the way. We need to come to real diplomacy and gold alchemy not as a tool against each other but as an expression of each other’s being respecting each other.

If you take everything of value in my writings and leave only the hellish woman, then you can justify the indifference, the ostracism, the banning and especially, like in the Fellowship, your selves and your behaviour.

I am trying to reconstruct myself after seventeen years in a cult and four with a man who was mutilated by the Fellowship. I have seen how the Fellowship mutilated my husband’s emotional life and turned him into an equally efficient mutilator. After four years of looking after him and a few of the abandoned people of the Fellowship, he supported the directors when they treated me like a criminal for asking for help for an 84 year old woman with alzheimer’s. I never even got close to asking for help for Eileen Clinton and she committed suicide shortly after I left. Why do you want to forget that? He is the most dangerous man I know not only because he hurt me or every one else in the Fellowship, but because he is willing and able to hurt anything alive around him, in him self or the people he loves without even knowing that he is doing it. I do not regret any of what I did, I loved and love what I did, taking care of those I thought needed it was the Arc for me, it’s not about regret but that doesn’t make the Fellowship any less sick. They all need help and the only thing you are doing procrastinating the closure of the Fellowship is allowing for more suffering. To try to commit suicide after separating from one’s husband after a long and painful marriage is very different to killing life every day of one’s existence until one actually commits suicide, which is what members of the Fellowship cult do. You think you are helping this people by not helping them. But being in denial about it, for that is what you’re falling into by ignoring and banning me, will catch up with you. I too am sick but in a different way and all you people can do here is ban me. You are no better than the Fellowship. The fact that I may need a therapist does not alleviate you from the responsibility of being a community with integrity. You’re not banning me because I rant but because I say the things I say. You’ll tell all these harsh stories over and over again and forget them just as fast. This is voyeurism. Vena for example:

131. Vena – “The above posts need to be seen by every current member.”

This is you Vena: “they need to be seen by every current member!” Who’s going to do that Vena? Influence C perhaps? The day I see you standing at the gatehouse giving a booklet to every student that comes in and out with all the suffering that has been posted in this blog, I’ll believe you are serious about your position. Until then this is a sort of confession so that at least the many of you think you are free from further responsibility because you don’t want to reach for your pockets and your will to stop it. That is not enough! While you thought you were paying for your personal salvation you paid thousands to this creep but now that a few cents are needed to help others and get the right lawyer to hassle this cult until it is stopped you are unwilling to do it.

4. Ames: Your many positive contributions are, sadly, far outweighed by your negative outbursts, in my personal opinion.

Tell me Ames, what according to you are my positive contributions that I don’t recall your ever saying any? You mentioned my poem and sent another one but besides that and telling the truth about court, when have you been willing to contribute to my so called positive points? I’m not asking for credit, I’m asking for “equality” and THAT is what you’re not willing to do here.

For how long have you kept quiet and failed to dialogue for no matter what? Because the question here is not about agreeing with me or not, the question is about sharing a human dialogue and not indifference and ostracism like you all did so successfully in the Fellowship. For wasn’t it exactly the same inside? Unlike Ames, I spoke at every single meeting I ever went to and every single time I opposed what was being said and offered a beautifully human understanding that froze the hall until we were all completely silenced during my last three years and, but for a few exceptions, everyone walked out to never speak to me or comment that my angles were just too long. Never the issue; like here. The only difference is that it is all written down. Even you Vena told me once, while we were still in the Fellowship that I ALWAYS spoke with the heart.

My many positive contributions Ames? When have you helped to enforce them? Haven’t I been here for years now having only Nigel and a few people who were never in the Fellowship praise with great kindness the things I offer while the majority of you keep dead silent to most of the things and as soon as I become sad, frustrated and go into the hellish rant, jump out like super frogs to scream, “OFF with her head, she’s ranting, she should be banned too”. And then you go out and fortunately have enough integrity to stand up for almost the same things I am standing up for, after banning me!

This equation is gradually changing after fierce fighting.

I might often be ashamed of my sadness and frustration and expressing it but I am not the only one here that needs to be ashamed. Most of you praised me with some kindness at the beginning when I lit hell on the Fellowship but as soon as I began dealing with the mentality that made and continues to make the Fellowship possible, as soon as I started dealing with every single man who allowed women to be as raped psychologically as the boys, the males here didn’t like that, did you? Sissys I called you and you didn’t like it right? But is it not true? It couldn’t be more goddam true but still all you did was apply on me the same ostracism and indifference that you applied in the Fellowship. And the women? You didn’t like being told that you helped just as much right? How many of us questioned the Fellowship inside and not one of you heard? Turned around and pretended we were sick because you had a better position than us? Played the hierarchic game and thought your selves “better”, “smarter”, “chosen” and protected your pulpit there?

I found a document by accident as I pushed buttons yesterday that I would like to share here:

elena Says:February 9, 2009 at 8:57 pm in the scratchbook.

The Mysterious Masochistic Pact

“In Arthur Koestler’s masterpiece, DARKNESS AT NOON, he describes all the subtle intricacies, reasonings, and dialectics between the inquisitor and his victim. The old Bolshevik, Rubashov, preconditioned by his former party adherence, confesses to plotting against the party and the party line. He is partly motivated by the wish to render a last service: his confession is a final sacrifice to the party. I would explain the confession rather as part of that mysterious masochistic pact between the inquisitor and his victim, which we encounter, too, in other processes of brainwashing.

[NOTE: The term "masochism" originally referred to sexual gratification received from pain and punishment, and later became every gratification acquired through pain and abjection.]

It is the last gift and trick the tortured gives to his torturer. It is as if he were to call out: “Be good to me. I confess. I submit. Be good to me and love me.” After having suffered all manner of brutality, hypnotism, despair, and panic, there is a final quest for human companionship, but it is ambivalent, mixed with deep despising, hatred, and bitterness.”

Doesn’t all that seem familiar with my behaviour here as much as with the behaviour we all practiced towards Robert and are now practicing towards the Fellowship as ex-members in saying, “yes, it rips people off, rapes people on, causes people’s deaths but it’s necessary to leave it alone because we have friends in it” “Friends who raped and abused us but in the sadomasochistic aberration that we are holding, friends that we must allow to rape and abuse others! The broken winged sparrow isn’t precisely begging you to love her? You who were as brutal inside the Fellowship as here? Brutal in your inability to embrace the sparrow with a broken wing? The boys? The people who had just arrived from India, South America or third world countries or were different? And with that I don’t mean to ignore the few moments of high praise that I’ve received on this blog, but the brutal inability to deal with what I’ve been presenting and the condition that I’ve been presenting it in. All you have been doing is using my condition to disqualify me just like Old FOF does in his outstanding posts in which all he can say about me is “Poor little hurt sparrow with a broken wing” but let’s get rid of her!!! Like you all did with hundreds of us in the Fellowship. The difference between violence in the so called “civilized” nations and the third world is that in the former people no longer have to kill each other because they’ve killed the possibility of life in each other: they’ve institutionalized death as a legitimate form by simply banning people from the institutions, be they in the factories, theatres or the government. The problem with cults is that they are institutionalizing that practice in the spiritual realm and the only condition to get banned is to be “too human” too “damaged”. That is what you did to Brian Sissler, Eileen Clinton, Kevin Kelly and all those whose names I don’t know, they were unable to find support in any one of you.

6.Ames: I don’t expect you to change, you seem to be imprisoned by your belief in yourself as some kind of Joan of Arc. Good luck with that.”

I already answered this point yesterday; it is there further down. If it weren’t for the Joan of Arc in me, I would have been dead a long time ago so may she live forever and help as many as she can! She belongs deeper within. We all carry true heroes inside, where are yours?

The real problem with the Fellowship is that everything it uses is legitimate but it uses it against humanity. That is what cancers do: turn against those who use them but continue to use the organism, perfectly coherently until it kills it.

26^th of August 2009

Old FOF: “OK Mr. Bond, how would you characterize the harm created by the Fellowship? To your perception was everyone harmed? Equally?

I have my views, but maybe they are a little ossified – am fully open to persuasion. Thanks.”

Don’t you find it interesting Mr. FOF, (the name you’ve chosen for your self) that you are open to “persuasion”? What makes you think that you can be persuaded if, after two years of hard enough stories and all the years you were in the Fellowship, you still think it wasn’t so bad on the one hand and yes, it killed a few people but …so what? People die all the time, don’t they?

Why does an old wise man like you need to be persuaded?

Main Entry: per·sua·sion

Pronunciation: \pər-ˈswā-zhən\

Function: noun

Etymology: Middle English persuasioun, from Middle French or Latin; Middle French persuasion, from Latin persuasion-, persuasio, from persuadēre

Date: 14th century

1 a : the act or process or an instance of persuading: b argument c : the ability to persuade
2 : the condition of being persuaded
3 a : an opinion held with complete assurance b : a system of religious beliefs; also : a group adhering to a particular system of beliefs

Haven’t you already been persuaded enough for a couple of lifetimes? Is it really that comfortable to let others think for you? Do you really think that you can be easily talked into anything at this point? Is that why my screaming bothers you so much that you want me banned, because it makes the long built in crystals crackle a little? Can you talk an egg into opening when it doesn’t have the will? Where are “you” Mr. Old FOF?

The beauty, gracefulness and measure of your age must not stop us from seeing the senility of your position:

You state

that about the Fellowship:

“I referred the Fellowship a school for sodomy and sociopathy – among many other like observations. So to say the least, I am not a fan of FOF. I believe that it has been responsible for serious pathology and even death.

it may BE getting worse, and it could get worse, …

“Completely on board with you there 007. My thought is that if and when the Fellowship leaves “The Farm” whatever its then current name (which seems inevitable if he is still alive given Robert Burton’s greed and long-time hollowing out of the assets) – a certain kind of decentralization will likely ensue.

It was at times like these (in series) when deadly suicidal cults such as Heaven’s Gate, and Jonestown (Peoples Temple), etc. began to get more dangerous. Well, maybe they were already dangerous, but it was a signal !”

and you top that with your advice to members convinced that because Old FOF, (who spoke so wisely but couldn’t sign his name once in lifetime on the blog), tells them to leave the cult before they commit suicide, they are going to run out of it when the time comes. Your naivete about the situation could not be more clear or dangerous:

Old FOF: “To any current students out there, who may be on the fence, if you can’t leave now – when and if changes like this begins: time to leave asap.”

I would never expect a man your age to take on a fight in the position I am taking it, as I would not expect a child to do so, but I would also, never ban you from the community because of your senility. If anything, were you to need it, I would take care of you like I did with Dorothy.

You instead state about me:

“Consequently, I think that Elena ought to be banned for good from posting – as though her intentions may be decent, the effects of her emotional inappropriateness (and damage), and ongoing drama and space-taking are highly destructive and diluting in the balance.

And then:

…And Elena, who seems so like sparrow with a broken wing.”

But that sparrow with a broken wing, you would simply ban because she’s not good enough for you. What is the difference between you and Robert in this respect? Didn’t he ban old women and children and anyone who seemed to be suffering and letting it show in his made up world of Conscious Disney Land? Because nothing disturbs him as much as someone showing that his made up world is a complete failure? Does it not disturb all of you holding Old fof’s position as much, to realize that all the justifications you’ve lived with to not help anyone for the ten, fifteen or twenty years that you’ve been out, have caused tremendous suffering not just to me, (who like Robert, you’d all be so happy to isolate as an exceptional case who was already “damaged” before she got to the Fellowship) but to hundreds of people, even sweet, innocent and decent hard working Americans like you, who were in the Fellowship for twenty years and then realized that they had simply been ripped off, day and night and placed as third and fourth class citizens in the community they supported? You can reread Lady B’s letter around the third page if you doubt my words but of course, the difference with her is that you were a trusted high-ranking member who was given a “life” taking care of Robert’s dead and the finances? Because the weakness is that as long as you can dominate the scene you’re willing to crucify no matter who with perfect diplomacy? I guess you still don’t get it that Robert manipulated every Saturn precisely because he knew they had such weakness in their feature. No matter how diplomatic, beautiful, wise, agile or kind people can be, if they are not human, what’s manipulating them is frighteningly evil.

Did you tell Brian Sissler’s family what Robert had done to him so that they could have sued or questioned the Fellowship in whatever way they found fit? For how long have you been minimizing reality with diplomacy so that your actions seem coherent with it? Did you help any of the victims you mention while they were alive?

How kind of you to reduce me to a sparrow with a broken wing, what a tender image to minimize the role I’ve played here which, when most run away to the Greater Fellowship to give each other your assurances, I stayed and lifted once and again because IT is the Public Square. Now that most are beginning to understand the value of the Public Square, you must ban me from participating and make of it the club you so long for, because most do not know the meaning of freedom, community or love. The day you ban me from the Public Square you will have a club, not a Public Square as has been proven every time you do so, quickly descending into comfort talk without action. If I’m a sparrow with a broken wing you’re lions without nose, eagles without vision.

Perhaps one day I will be able to sit and have a nice chat with you old fof but not until I’ve taken care of my husband, our dear Mr. Haven, who is psychologically mutilating people in the garden so that they pay his buddy Bobby for raping others in the garage.

It is not that I cannot appreciate every one of your words Old FOF and in the right context, understand the immense value of a diplomatic dialogue. I would not touch a hair of your humanity to hurt you but it is not your humanity but your inhumanity what I am addressing. It might take you a lifetime to digest the issue and it is good for all of us to talk our lives over, that is why we are standing up for the Public Square, but in the meantime you have no right to ban anyone who is questioning your passivity before an institution that is causing so much damage.

Fofblogmoderator, you’ve banned me for the second time and this will be my last post unless you give me your word that you will never ban me again. You can’t yo-yo people in and out because you don’t know your limits. I will give you my word that I will not use swear words to insult people like I did to Whalerider when he assumed the same pattern so many have assumed here that demeanour the value of my presence with insults of their own, DXP when by mistake, I assumed that her statements could only belong to another person representing the Fellowship, they were so retrograde or Agent 007 who flipped so quickly I felt betrayed. Unlike you and him, I would rather have one person with integrity here than 1200 deceived liars like in the Fellowship.

I also give you my word that I will continue to challenge your beings every day of my life and if you stop doing the same to me, I will leave immediately.

I am an ex-cult member who has been out for two years: hurt, damaged and angry but above all I am a human being. You can take me as I am or leave me as I am but if you take me you will never ban me again from the Public Square which is the only Community of human beings that I call my own. You will give me clear limits of where and when I am exceeding myself and you’ll remind me the limits at least three times before banning me and if I never listen to you and hurt anyone of you seriously, you can ban me for good and you will do this with anyone who you think is extra-limiting themselves, but you will also understand that you cannot ban people because it takes you years to understand what they are saying and because you are challenged by their statements. The power of your role is not to abuse it but to extend yourself to the spirit of the participants. I have already proved myself too many times here for you to not know who I am and what I am doing. Tell me, what was my crime? Ranting?

Main Entry: 1rant

Function: verb

Etymology: obsolete Dutch ranten, randen

Date: 1601

intransitive verb

1 : to talk in a noisy, excited, or declamatory manner
2 : to scold vehemently

transitive verb

: to utter in a bombastic declamatory fashion

What makes you people think that you can ban a person who after being in a cult for seventeen years and is trying to reconstruct her destroyed sense of I and humanity and community and love and compassion and integrity and beauty and truth and friendship and dignity and gratitude and freedom, who has been psychologically disfigured in a cult, “screams in a noisy, excited and declamatory manner and scolds vehemently in a bombastic declamatory fashion” is CRIMINAL enough to get banned from the Public Square? The Public Square for God’s sake, this is not your club. What makes you think that banning people from their community is not killing them psychologically just like the cult did with everyone who dissented?

You are people who lost the meaning of community long before you even joined the Fellowship of Friends and you have allowed every abuse and every crime that has happened in it because you no longer know the meaning of human integrity. Your positions after leaving are pure justifications of your own abuses in it. Left on your own, you will repeat the same crimes, build the same clubs and hurt innocent people in the same cults with new names and rules so that you can convince yourselves that you have improved something in life while you remain the same.

It is not that I have not already said everything I needed to say; nothing of value will be lost without my presence here. Last week when I decided to come back, I was able to express the only thing that I’ve been looking to express since I joined this blog, which is that all inner path must lead every man and woman to his own spiritual reality, to the human within him and herself. Life, all of life, is the realization of that understanding. Each individual human being actualizes the spirit within himself in each of his acts throughout life; he or she affirms the spiritual in the human or fails to do so and gives power to what is not human in failing to do so.

In allowing cults or any other institution that is acting against the well being of humanity, people are empowering forces that will destroy them in the long run.

The youth of mankind is over and all the destruction that it has brought upon itself, like it is common for young people to do, is seriously beginning to return us the bill. We must consciously start taking care of our mistakes and they are multiple in all walks of life. Each individual actor must take care of the whole of the play, the whole of his play, his world, his and her responsibility as a human being.

You’ve called me Joan of Arc II thinking it is an insult but you honour me. It is much better to be Joan of Arc II than Sacred Cow the First. Hopefully you will not burn me again but I’m just as willing to burn if that is the price of being alive. Maybe I’ll start getting used to it!

In years to come, pockets of humanity that can develop into cancers will not exist. The current of the human being is one: One Earth. One People. One life. Individual gain will not be possible without the gain of the whole because no one will allow it. Each human being will try to carry him and her self with enough dignity so as not to allow him self or others to abuse what belongs to the whole. This ethic will permeate all orders of society, economic, political and cultural in every nation. The privileges of authoritarian hierarchies will disappear and the objective practice of life for the well being of humanity will prevail.

You have banned me also because I have used the Public Square as if it was my pulpit and it is my pulpit. It is the Pulpit of every human being to express her and his pains to her and his community, his and her joys and sorrows, yearnings and expectations. It is where culture is born, Culture, or the spiritual life of a community. We are one and respecting each other’s idiosyncrasies must happen within the context of our humanity. Holding on to national or group forms that hamper the rest of us is no longer possible. The clan mentality must disappear so that the individual human being can appear. The development of our being does not allow for egocentric separations. The loneliness of millions of people who have been separated from the rest of humanity by the practices of life today will cause millions of deaths before dignity is recovered in its full splendour. Suicide is the cry of a people who’ve lost hope in humanity: The painful statement of those who are unable to survive the inhumanity in our every day lives. Cults are the attempt to recover the human, with the inhuman act of separating from humanity. They are the expression of hopelessness in the leaders and the life of the world today but they deepen the problem by accentuating the separation. They are the “cult” to selfishness, individualism and idolatry.

Separating from old forms is a law that has nothing to do with separating from each other. Separating is the law of growth. The human being is peeling layers of it-self off in every generation. Separating new layers from old layers has nothing to do with separating from each other. The more layers we peel off, the more easily we can see the human in our differences. We “flower” by separating from layers of psychological skin, like women and men do... in the act of love.