Ton-Elena... it must be friendship!

143 Ton 20th May

e: “…You have no idea how angry I am…”
based on the venom in your posts, i do have an idea… why all the anger elena ? why the rage ? do you know it’s source ? what purpose does it serve ? think about it…



144 Elena
Oh Ton,

you're such a sad guy. Why should I not experience anger when I was banned from the blog when all I was trying to do was share my understandings and confront them with other people so that I could improve them? I was not abusive to you but I got banned while you were systematically aggressive and unkind.

What makes you so sad is that you cannot look inside yourself. You're always out here, looking for excuses to buffer your self and the atmosphere within as if it were too misty for you to get across and find peace.

This is no longer about me Ton. I am not angry anymore. I know I've been abused by prejudice but that is after all normal. I attacked so many aspects of people in the fofblog, only my naivete could have imagined that I would have been allowed back. If you weren't so afraid to look at that you would know why you're still attacking me and trying to get back at me without being able to actually say, "I didn't like it when you said this Elena, it hurt me badly and I'm so angry with you". If you were able to do that you might rest and let your suffering out for all this is just suffering. Suffering we carry inside and don't know how to hold it so we continue spreading it like a virus.

With the children I work caressing their heads. It would be lovely to caress your head. I blow on the forhead and at the edge between skin and hair and there is love. Not personal, just contact from a human being to another. And I blow air on their hands.

Let yourself be Ton, then maybe you can let me be.

Thank you for sharing. Maybe you can try to hear the positive things I've been saying all along, then you'll actually hear me. I do try that with you. The angrier and more negative you are, the easier it is to hear how hurt you are. How lonely and how you're actually coming here for help. Welcome. I will do my best. I also often need help. It is lovely to have someone to speak with but maybe we could talk about something even more interesting than our disagreements?
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