Elena-Cynthia

179. Elena - November 4, 2009 [Edit]

Nigel,
C is like Influence C to me today
I have only respect and awe towards her like towards B and D, Girard’s other wives. We have all been ground by the same mill and when they come forward and tell their story mine will look meek in comparison. We are true women; all of us. We loved and fought and lost as it is common for women in the patriarchal society we’ve all endured for way too long and the dictatorial tyranny of the Fellowship Cult.

C sincerely meant to help me, but my destiny was beyond her help. Had I listened to her nothing of this would have been possible and I would probably still be in the Fellowship Cult in complete ignorance of what the Fellowship cult is. I needed to marry Girard and understand what was really happening for my own self. I hope she forgives me for not having listened to her sincere words of awareness of a situation that I also proved unable to handle.

They all inspired me to love Girard as a wife should love a man. That hasn’t really changed no matter how well I see him.

Poema- love en español

180. Elena - November 5, 2009 [Edit]

Dragon, I made a few corrections in 177 that seemed pertinent.

Have a lovely day Nige, Dragon, CT. and the rest visiting.

For the silent friend in Spain, I’d like to offer you Love in Spanish. It is slightly different. Some things cannot be said in Spanish in the same way that they are said in English. They don’t reach the meaning if they are translated literally. When correcting it is very good to look at them in both languages.

Te gustaría que escribiera un libro
Pero que libro podría escribir
Sin el fuego de tu aliento
Detrás de la pantalla?

Donde encontraría inspiración tan rica como en la Plaza Pública
Donde tu
Y todos
En ti
Existen?

Yo aquí me arrodillo a los pies de estas letras
Y me inclino ante la pantalla
Y honro el lenguaje y la palabra
Que te trajeron a la puerta
De mi alma
Y me llevaron a la ventana
De tu espíritu

Yo no escribo historias
Nosotros somos la historia que las palabras
escriben

El nuestro es un libro abierto
Un libro en proceso
Una vida compartida
Escrita con luz electrónica
Directamente
Sobre la Sol..aridad
de tus ojos

Es con las llamas de mis dedos que
Me extiendo y toco tu alma y
Con la entereza de mi corazón que
Te recibo

Es mi sangre la que está derramada
En las pulsaciones electrónicas
De estos mensajes cibernéticos
Mi sangre gruesa y roja
Derramada sobre estas palabras quebradas
La que se extiende hacia todos
En ti
Humanizándonos
Con profunda e infinita
Alegría

El amor no fue encuadernado a los libros
Vive en la sangre de cada hombre y mujer
En cada anciano y anciana
En cada niño y cada joven

Vive en la Plaza Publica
De todas las ciudades
Late en el corazón
De cada alma
Corre en las venas de cada palabra
Con la cual mi alma vive en armonía
Con la tuya

El amor vive en la libertad del Parque Público
En el niño que corre tras la pelota
En el perro sin cadenas
En la bicicleta que le da vueltas al hombre
Por nuestra tierra

Vive en la ternura
Con la que una madre abraza a su hija
Aunque sea tan solo una vez
Y en cada amante que le habla
A su encanto

El amor vive en cada mano
Y en todos los pies
En el sexo de cada hombre y mujer
Y en la garganta de todo discurso

Vive en mi y en ti

Y en el Árbol
Y en la sombra del Árbol
Y en la banca debajo del Árbol
Donde tú descansas

El amor vive en la eternidad
La eternidad que vive en ti
Y tú en mí.

Reply

181. Elena - November 5, 2009 [Edit]

If I’m ever ready
I’ll form a political party
And preach with poetry
in the Public Square
For
If I’m ever ready
I’ll be a human being in all our poetry
A priest
And a leader
Like every true citizen is.

We live in one Earth.
We
Live
In
One
Earth

This Earth is Ours
This
Earth
Is
OURS

OURS
OURS

We all live ON our Earth
We
All
Live
ON
our
Earth

Life
is Ours
We each share in life

Society is Ours
We are each a particle in it

Knowing is OURS
We each struggle between right and wrong

Love is OURS
We each share in love

Elena- Cult mechanics in language and behavior

182. Elena - November 5, 2009 [Edit]

I was at an Anthroposophical medicine course over the weekend and it was as shockingly cultish as in the Fellowship. The course was held by a VIP VERY IMPORTANT PERSON, a Peruvian oncologist , leading the medicine courses and institutes for South America.

There are a few areas worth noting that repeated themselves as strongly:

1. While introducing our selves he showed discomfort towards someone who stated she was a housewife and not a Doctor like some of the others
2. He pushed that to the point that towards the end, he said he couldn’t talk about the heart because he could only do that to Doctors
3. He psychologically separated the group between the more evolved Doctors and less evolved people.
4. He presented the material as if it were extremely difficult and had each person interpret a paragraph and made everyone feel as though their interpretation was incorrect. If the interpretation was really incorrect he exposed the person strongly and if the interpretation was too good and transported into practical examples he dismissed it saying it was too difficult for anyone of us to interpret it accentuating the inadequacy of all the participants.
5. He had brought a translation from German to Spanish and in the middle of the course decided with his wife who was German, that the translation was TERRIBLE and that they would translate it themselves. They did translate it and made such a literal translation that it was impossible to understand it which is what they unconsciously wanted so that they would reaffirm the idea that it was too difficult a material for layman like us to understand! Just like Robert interprets texts as madly as he likes and pretends that no one else can do it.
6. The housewife was actually the lady who was able to transport the information into practical examples and it made him so uncomfortable that he ended up suggesting she be banned from participating in further courses!
7. He told the lady that she was very sick and should not work with her mind! That she should only do physical work!
8. The Doctor who had invited him to give the conference behaved like a submissive sheep before the God
9. Everyone was submissive and allowed him to deploy his rationality to undermine each one of them except the housewife who challenged him.
10. When a young lady’s turn came towards the end, she tried to interpret the paragraph and instead started crying. She could not take the pressure.
11. Instead of teaching anything about medicine he spent fifteen hours showing the participants, all adults, that they didn’t know how to read!

I don’t know how much such things have been studied in Cult books but the more I look at it, the clearer and obvious are the patterns of behavior amongst people who think they incarnate an authority and people who submit to incarnating a layman. They are both obviously unaware of what they are doing. They are both unconscious to it. They are both “identified” “incarnating” their so called role and cannot relate to each other as equal human beings.
The authoritarian aspects of the relationship lie precisely in the separations that the authorities try to impose:

In the Fellowship cult:
different prices,
hierarchical chairs according to price paid
six people sitting in front as inner circle
Others

In the Anthroposophical Cult witnessed over the weekend and a congress two months ago:

The BIG Conference by the top man is given without the possibility of questions
The “Doctors” are superior to other people, this way they attract people to the “inner circle” who are willing to incarnate a superiority act towards the others and separate each other.

I think I’ll try going to scientology next week! It’s in the details where we’ll understand how exactly it works.

The “being”, the “humanity” of the Authority presenting no matter what knowledge is in his or her capacity to treat the people as equals. More knowledge does not make anyone superior and real knowledge cannot be transmitted with arrogance. That was also my mistake in the fofblog, particularly at the end.

Lady B April 29th 2007

183. Elena - November 5, 2009 [Edit]

I just found Lady B’s post which has inspired me all along:

Appeared in FOF discusion of Animam Recro. Page 8/38
Lady B Says:

April 29th, 2007 at 10:57 pm
I am still in the school but I am not a student anymore.

I joined the school 20 years ago with all my heart.

I survived several of the school’s big intervals, when Influence C was “shaking the tree.”

When other students left, I never wanted to know the reason. Each time, some “good student” or center director would act as a filter, saying that the student left because their instinctive center didn’t want to pay any more or because their American puritanical morality made Robert’s sex life into an excuse for leaving.

After a year in the school, a friend of mine left, and before she did she told me that her friend had a relationship with Robert. It was a bad experience, and he left in shock. I was actually relieved to hear that Robert was gay. I’d already been in a group where the teacher was gay. In a second group, where the teacher was straight, and very interested in women, his “wife” had me kicked out because she imagined I was having an affair with him.

In the FOF, I lost a husband, a house, and a lot of money that I didn’t have and don’t have, but none of that bothered me enough to make me leave. Robert has never spoken to me directly — I don’t have money, I’m not rich, I’m a woman. I’m not an artist or actor. I don’t have blue blood or a name of noble origin. So, my role in the school — according to other students — is to pay. That’s my role and for many years I’ve been paying my teaching payment.

I began reading this blog and the letters sent to me by ex-students. I told myself that I’ve been in the school so long that I wouldn’t hear anything bad enough to change my mind, my desire, or my love for Robert.

It didn’t take long to realize that I hadn’t been aware of the level of suffering that many students endured. When Elena wrote, it was as if she read my heart. Now I understand why friends who became Robert’s lovers are so depressed and unable to have a full emotional life. I’ve seen mothers who are happy that their sons were chosen to be Robert’s lovers, and encouraged them not to lose the opportunity to experience higher levels with an angel.

At Isis, children are the last concern. In fact, a friend who doesn’t have children told me, “I think that Isis needs an orphanage.” I was shocked and offended.

I believed that I was helping to build a new civilization, not supporting and paying for all this suffering. I can’t be an accomplice any more. This isn’t the school I was looking for. I’ve learned a lot, but at a very high price. I have a conscience — someone might call it feminine dominance, but I don’t care. All those years I’ve pushed down that inner screaming voice, and had — as many others have — health consequences.

I want to leave the school without a fuss, the way I came, but I want to give a warning to potential students so they have an idea of what they’re getting into. If this blog was available to me 20 years ago, I probably would have made a different decision.

Someone said — I wish I could remember who — that you can see the level of civilization in a country by looking at the way they treat children and old people. Elena, you’re right: I don’t recognize the same Ark that I boarded 20 years old.

During these 20 years, I’ve met some wonderful people, and leaving those friends is going to be a much bigger payment than I’ve ever made. I’m sorry, and I love you.

Elena-Dragon-

184. dragon - November 5, 2009 [Edit]

178.

I am not well enough to sit on my own and write. I need to write for you and others that are sitting with me.

Elena:

You say you cannot write on your own.

Elena,

you haven’t done it yet!

That’s a simple fact and nobody can write for you, we may read it and we may help you to edit it and so on, but it is really your turn to write your story in the inner circle of the FoF.

I think your story has a chance as a warning, as a “special entertainment” (if you want somebody to recognize the weird illness of the FoF, you will have to write it with captivating stories), but there is no other person on the public square who is able to write instead of you.

Elena it is your turn, no further excursions are needed.

Is that understood?

Reply

185. elena - November 5, 2009 [Edit]

Yes ma’am!!

Reply

186. Elena - November 6, 2009 [Edit]

It cries underneath the skin.
It cries all day underneath the skin

Reply

187. dragon - November 6, 2009 [Edit]

Elena,

no mummy stuff, please. A friend is no “mam”.

If it burns underneath the skin it will be time to write about it!

Title of your report/book… : “Underneath The SKIN”

Introduction: “ I wear a brand underneath the skin, it is the brand of a religious group with the name: “Fellowship of Friends”.

Even if I am out for XY time?, I feel that brand every day and it hurts me again and again. It is burning with such a great intensity that I came to the decision:

I don’t want to burn until eternity, I will try to release myself and I will try to warn about that dangerous group using the infrastructure and exploiting the vulnarability of our societies.

So let me tell you my story of a group living beyond the rules of our society and recruiting young persons for the purpose of a very special mental and physical exploitation process…

Reply

188. dragon - November 6, 2009 [Edit]

A healing poem for unindoctrinated souls:

THE CAT AND THE MOON
by: W. B. Yeats (1865-1939)

THE cat went here and there
And the moon spun round like a top,
And the nearest kin of the moon,
The creeping cat, looked up.
Black Minnaloushe stared at the moon,
For, wander and wail as he would,
The pure cold light in the sky
Troubled his animal blood.
Minnaloushe runs in the grass
Lifting his delicate feet.
Do you dance, Minnaloushe, do you dance?
When two close kindred meet,
What better than call a dance?
Maybe the moon may learn,
Tired of that courtly fashion,
A new dance turn.
Minnaloushe creeps through the grass
From moonlit place to place,
The sacred moon overhead
Has taken a new phase.
Does Minnaloushe know that his pupils
Will pass from change to change,
And that from round to crescent,
From crescent to round they range?
Minnaloushe creeps through the grass
Alone, important and wise,
And lifts to the changing moon
His changing eyes.

Reply

189. Elena - November 6, 2009 [Edit]

Yes ma’am!

Yes “madam” was what I meant, ma’am!! ma’am is a short form used in the South of the US… I think!

“That’s a simple fact and nobody can write for you, we may read it and we may help you to edit it and so on, but it is really your turn to write your story in the inner circle of the FoF.” she’d said, but I’d never “belonged” to the inner circle, in fact I’d never been able to properly belong to the Fellowship of Friends, a Fourth Way School of Consciousness based on the Teachings of Gurdjieff and Ouspensky and had “orphaned” the place inside just like the orphan I was outside. I’d never really “belonged” anywhere if by belonging we understand being an integrated part of a whole and as I looked back I didn’t know if it was worse to have belonged or not to have belonged… longed to be… or “long “BE”"!!

“Long “BE”" is a joke that only those at Renaissance, Apollo, Isis in 2006 and beyond could understand, when HE started talking about how a short penis was the Symbol of a short “be” and a long penis a long “be”!!!!!!! and while he probably laughed his balls out for he was after all a “Conscious Being” who knew what he was doing, “We the People” in the United States of America had been standing in the crowded room of the Gallería for half an hour before the one and only man number eight, the one and only Conscious Being on Planet Earth (as Martin would have called him), stood breathless under the paintings of young naked members depicted as semi-greek Gods and Goddesses with fully erect penises and “knew” our selves the “luckiest” people, unlike the other six billion dead that stood outside our sacred gates without the divine guidance of Robert Burton, who’d finally walk in five minutes before we’d begin to faint.

“BE” had become the one and only aim, the magic word that justified everything! “To be or not to be” was a decree that even Shakespeare could no longer call his own for we incarnated it with the conviction of twenty five years of hard physical labour in “the Vine”: the Renaissance Vineyard in Oregon House in the Sierra Foothills of California. Hard physical labor and the pruning of our previous lives, leaf by leaf, a “Conscious Process” in which I had first sacrificed my friends for I was now in the Fellowship of Friends with “true”, “real” people striving for consciousness, then my aunts and uncles who I’d inherited after my mother’s death, then my father, my sister and finally, my youngest daughter until there was no longer a trace of who I ever was. THAT WAS the aim but I never reached the peak of “consciousness” that was expected of me and remained in my god-father’s twenty two telephone books in the course of the thirty years I’d been away from home: Medellín, Antioquia, Colombia, South America.

Seventeen only in the School of Consciousness, Seventeen from the 3rd of March 1990 to the 22nd of March 2007 after my husband, Girard Haven, the Mind, the second to last in command of the Fellowship of Friends Cult, sent out a letter to the members suggesting they don’t waste their time reading, let alone writing in the Fellowship of Friend’s blog on the internet that was being sent out by invisible hands where I had written the day before and put me against the wall between cult and culture.

Girard Haven’s letter can come here- then my first post!

………………………

I said Yes ma’am! Is that good enough for a beginning? I think Crouching Tiger would be happier if we don’t publish the book before we publish the book so I’ll have to e-mail you and Nige the rest!

Thanks for the kicking-love!

Reply

190. dragon - November 6, 2009 [Edit]

That’s a very good idea Elena!

and now:

Yeats’ “To a Squirrel at Kyle-na-no,” short
enough to be quoted in entirety:

Come play with me;
Why should you run
Through the shaking tree
As though I’d a gun
To strike you dead?
When all I would do
Is to scratch your head
And let you go.

to write!!!  , I know it is hard and hard work for You!

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191. Elena - November 6, 2009 [Edit]

Crouching Tiger says I’m a natural writer but do you think there is anything natural about writing ten page letters every day when I was twelve years old?

Reply

192. dragon - November 6, 2009 [Edit]

It is unusually for a twelve year old.

Write and after Crouching Tiger’s etc. reading through the texts it can be decided how or wether it will be compressed or something else.

You should maintain the suspense until the very last minute.

It is also possible to begin like this as a novel writer:

Let us presume there would be a mysterious organization in our midst, invisible, a cobweb of a secret society……

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193. Elena - November 6, 2009 [Edit]

There could be suspense all along because the reader doesn’t know any of the stories! The System’s, the Fellowship’s or mine! So it is three stories running parallel to each other together with that of the many other people that are connected. That could work! Three stories running parallel like a braid! Like life!